My journey to crochet. . .

Welcome to my crazy, crafty, graphing hectic life! :-)
My name is Colleen. I am a full time Mama to 8 blessings, Full time Wife & a College student...and somewhere in there I own a Group & Monthly Club called Colleens Graph Creations on Facebook.

I have traveled the world being a Military Wife, where I met amazing people from all over.
In February of 2003 we were stationed at Yokota AFB, Japan. Within a week of living there, I found out that I was 3 months pregnant with my 7th child. Excited to have a new chapter in our lives, we prepared for an addition to our family and a new place. We adjusted the best we could to new cultures and driving on the opposite side of the road ~ lol.

On April 23, 2003, I went to my OB/GYN routine appointment to see how our miracle was coming along and hear the precious heartbeat of our Baby. That is really the only good thing to look forward every month when your pregnant. This time I was going to record it on my phone. As the Dr put the cold jelly on my baby bump, I anticipated the sounds.
There was nothing but silence.
I was informed to go to the Lab and get blood work done immediately, then go back to his office.
I did as the Doctor ordered and met back with him in an hour in his office. Ladies, we all know that when a Doctor says 'get dressed & meet me in my office' that the outcome is NEVER good.
As I sat across from the Doctor, scared and nervous for my child. . He informed me that my child was no longer alive. The heartbreak, emotions and zombie like state took over. I was, for the most part, devastated.
I was told to go home and come back in 3 days for another blood test. (The blood tests were for hormonal levels, showing pregnancy). The Doctor said if that my child did not pass on it's own the way mother nature intended, than he would have to do a DNC. (Take my child out of my womb)
I somehow, went home and saw my husband (who was now in camo's getting ready to go in for his 14 hour shift) for a brief moment. . all I did was cry and try my hardest to get it out while he hugged me before he left.
I was without child, without parents, without friends, all I had was my children who relied on me and a husband who was serving our country.
On April 25, 2003, I gave birth to my deceased child, in my home as my husband was on his way out the door to work again for another 14 hour shift. Sad but true, I gave birth and he left for work.
These memories will always be fresh and live on in our hearts and minds.

You would think, . . alright. . . hard times are over. . . a bad experience in life but it will make you stronger.

NO. . . .

The metaphor 'when it rains, it pours' is realistic to my life. I had been taking care of my children-- 6 blessings at the time-- along with mourning my last child's death, being alone in a foreign country with no one, and a husband who could take zero time off for his 'wife's' problems. It was military life and I was fully aware that my job was harder than his. I was the home front. I was what he is fighting for. I talked to God a lot during this time. Not just talked either, questioned him, yelled at him and was angry at him.  A heck of a lot back then!
I was angry, alone and feared the remaining 4 year term of being in Japan.

On April 28, 2003- - 3 days after losing my last child, I lost my oldest daughter....let me explain. . . .

My oldest daughter, Courtney was 11 years old. Her 12th birthday was May 28. (One month away)
We had just celebrated Easter a few days before. She was feeling under the weather and I assumed like most children, they sneak candy (or try to) even though Mama says 3 pieces a day.. she just ate too much candy at once from her basket. She was vomiting and could keep nothing down. Not even water. So I called the Doctor. Base Doctors have a degree in medicine. I trusted them.
I was told to keep her hydrated and if symptoms change to bring her in. Normal to hear when a child is sick. It got to the point that after 6 hours of having this 'bug' or candy rush, things were indeed getting worse and fast. It was one o'clock in the morning and she was panting instead of breathing, she was vomiting and whatever I offered her, she refused.
I convinced her that maybe a bath would help. She was so weak she could not even stand on her own. As I was holding her, helping her get undressed for her bath, my husband came home. He was finally off work. He instantly saw our struggle and helped us. Her eyes were sunk in and purplish marks around them- - like someone had punched her in the eyes- -I held her as he helped me to get her undressed. .He went to help get her shirt off and then he said... Oh My ... What the ... !!! How long has her ribs been showing like this!!??? I had no idea what he was talking about, so I looked and sure enough our daughter looked like she had malnutrition. Her ribs showing everywhere. Mind you, 6 hours earlier, this was just a 'Virus/Bug' Our daughter was healthy her whole life! What happened!?
I instantly gave my husband the reigns with her and called the Emergency Room on Base and
said, 'I don't care what the Doctor told me to do, I am bringing her in and NOW!' - - I may have had a sailor's mouth at that time also, but not going to write that here.
I rushed to the Base Hospital with my daughter. No thoughts on just losing my last baby now. Only focusing on the situation at hand. My husband had to stay behind at home with our other children.
Once at the hospital, I struggled to balance my child through the ER Doors. When they saw us come in, they helped us immediately. Took her to get her checked in. You know, the normal, temperature, blood pressure, weight, oxygen levels, symptoms, etc. When they went to listen to her chest all I heard was... 'well, that's interesting'... then they hooked her up to a machine for oxygen while checking her blood pressure.  The Nurse, with a couple attempts,  listened for a heartbeat and replied 'There it is! It's just faint'
Then the Nurse took her blood pressure twice, to no prevail. Said the machine must be broken and went to get another. Then I heard, this machine wasn't working right either.
*Speechless* Can you imagine the pain of a parent who is hearing this? That was me. Stumped and cringing inside, holding back tears.
The Doctor came in, thought she could get the blood pressure better.... Guess what?... Nope.
They couldn't either. The Doctor looked Courtney over and immediately called the Lab Tech in to do blood work. The Lab Tech happened to be our neighbor- the only friend I had made while living there.
When the blood work came back, my friend, my daughter's Lab Tech, my neighbor, the only person that I knew in 3 months of being in Japan, my source for everything there . .Said this... "Oh my gosh! This can not be right. I can not believe this! I need to run this again. I am so sorry."  I obliged.
She informed the doctor will explain when the results come back.

HERE COMES THE STORM......
The Doctor came back and explained how she was so sorry that my daughter's blood sugar was 796, weak vital signs, and may not make it through. Courtney, my first born, my precious gift from above, was diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes Mellitus Brittle Insulin Dependent.  We have to transport your daughter by ambulance to Himashi Hospital downtown for treatment because we can not handle her medical needs here. Visitors hours are not until tomorrow morning. There are time frames to see your daughter and a language barrier.  
*Note* In Japan, a parent is not allowed to stay with the child AT all at a hospital.
There are no walls, curtains or dividers, separating rooms or patients. It is their culture to leave their children in the hospital and not think twice about it. Well of course I had a HUGE problem with this. I don't speak their language, I don't EVER leave my children especially when they are sick or in the time of care. I really didn't care if they thought I was a crazy American! I am going to be there for my child. No matter what. After all, what if she didn't make it through this? I would be on edge until the morning.
It honestly felt like I had lost my oldest daughter now. Like the little girl I had carried and raised, this beautiful, funny,  brilliant fragile little girl, would be taken from me.
I am only human, a Mama first before all, and now I felt the gravity of earth fall from under me.  I politely said thank you to the healthcare people that surrounded us, Squeezed my daughter's hand, kissed her forehead, told her that I am going to get Daddy and that I loved her more and would be right back. I needed air. I needed a moment to myself. I was in shock. I needed to scream at someone. I needed to throw stuff. I needed peace.
As soon as I stepped outside I grabbed my stomach, fell to my knees and wept like a baby.

I am not sure on the amount of time it took before I called my husband to get there. My husband showed up with our other children and I met him outside. I have been with this man for 20 years now. He is a soldier in the United States Air Force. I have only seen him break twice in those 20 years. This was the first time. I explained everything and let him go in to see our daughter before they took her to the other hospital.
That night, he was a soldier that broke down. He showed emotion of a loving Father. Crying for his oldest that we may lose. That night, was the very first time he said to me, 'I have been to wars for complete strangers, knowing that my family is safe because of you. Now the war is at home and I don't want any other soldier to stand beside me except you'. I share this because these words from him are what keep me going. Even to this day.
It was pretty foggy as to what exactly was said after that. The ambulance showed up and took our daughter to the hospital down town. It really does feel like the child you have raised has passed away. Just heartbreaking.
We went first thing in the morning to the hospital down town to speak with Doctors and see our daughter. Due to the language barrier and what I consider non sterile hospital (don't get me started on that one lol) we were informed that they would take our daughter to the closet hospital in Hickam, Hawaii for her medical needs.
The next morning my daughter and myself were put on a KC-10 Medical Evac to Hickan AFB, Hawaii. You would think a few months in Hawaii is a vacation. Not for us. Not for me. I had never been away from my children. A stay at home Mom. I cried like a baby ... again... as I looked out the window of the plane. I had never been apart from them.
Courtney and I spent over 3 months in Hawaii. Everyday at the hospital there, I met with a wonderful lady named Hope. She handed me a Pink Panther book about understanding Diabetes. She also educated me on every aspect of the disease so I can keep my daughter healthy. -- I wish that all parents with a newly diagnosed child would be forced to go through this course. It's benefits are endless!!
It took 3 months to get Courtney stable and her and I had to learn her disability.
Taking insulin, nutrition, moods, knowing blood sugar levels and how to treat them and being her advocate was something I put my whole heart into. Yes, there was a test! I went from Mama to instant Nurse with a specialty of Type 1 Diabetes within 3 months.
We finally got to return to Japan in July 2003. We stayed there for about one week then we were
stationed back State side to McGuire AFB, NJ. due to Japan not being able to care for her condition.

While at McGuire AFB, New Jersey I started a crochet & coffee club at my house (of course after all our children went off to school for the day ;) ) We would sit with our yarn and hooks and figure out how to self-teach ourselves to crochet. I was 32 years old then. I found a way that was therapeutic to help mend my broken heart, relieve stress, and bring out my creativity. An outlet that I am thankful for everyday. We lived in New Jersey for almost 5 years and I delivered a handsome baby boy named, Maison (child #7). We were stationed to Dover AFB, Delaware in 2008.

While at Dover AFB, my Father passed away in 2010 then my Mom shortly to follow in 2013.
After my parents passed away,  I opened my very first business called Colleens Creations.
My parents had always told me to take my skills to the next level and open a store. Being a parent, I know that we tend to think our child is amazing and everyone should see it, so I shrugged it off when they said it. I finally opened a store in Camden, Delaware in Sept of 2013, after my Mom had passed. It was Amazing!! I loved going to the store and opening everyday.
I made all types of crochet, wood burning, cross stitch, scrap booking, knitting loom, beading, silk flower arrangements, and more. If it is craft related..I am there!
At the age of 40, we got a 'surprise' in our house. I was with child again. I had a beautiful baby girl named, Lilia (child #8) and kept the store open until she turned a year old.

I had an awakening just last year. I had no idea that there was so much happening on Facebook! All the crochet, graphing, needlepoint, cross stitch, knitting looms..... oh my gosh... the list goes on!!!
I starting joining them ALL -lol

With the help from a dear friend who gently pushed me into opening a group on Facebook, I opened Colleens Graph Creations in July 2016. We are still growing strong! I love all my members and enjoy the laughs & tears we share.
It has really helped me in the dark times of my life. When I was being tested and felt alone. If you would of told me that someday I would be crocheting and graphing my life away, I would of laughed at you. Fact is, I am. I love it. Always will.
Crochet is therapeutic. Give it a try!
You deserve some peace in your life (piece of yarn, hooks, etc) :D  <3 <3 <3